Even if you don't live in Gig Harbor, you simply must have Hy-Iu-Hee-Hee on your tavern resume. Nestled back from Gig Harbor's main waterfront drag, Hy-Iu-Hee-Hee is located on a rural road - the type of road where I imagine a murderer would dump their dead bodies. As a matter of fact, I once dumped the body of a man I dated into the actual harbor. He kept staring at my breasts while I talked and wouldn't buy me my drinks at the end of the night. I was on the fence about his horrible demise until he took off his jacket to reveal an Ed Hardy shirt. Then I knew he was worthless and I had to get rid of him. I did it for all the single ladies out there. I did it for America.
Whew. After that wretched flashback, I needed three drinks. I clicked my heels twice and made my way to a corner table at Hy-lu-Hee-Hee. This is where I met Gabby, and the beginning of my end began.
Drink One: Hy-lu-Happiness (bartender's choice) - I think the first clue Gabby knew of my secret Ted Bundy past was the fact she willingly picked the Hy-Iu-Happiness as her drink choice for me. I vaguely remember her describing it as having "every single different type of vodka in it," thus leading me to believe she wanted to see me lose bladder control in public. I was onto her; she wasn't going to get anything past me.
Drink Two: Hy-lu-Happiness (most popular drink within the last hour) - See? I told you! Gabby had it in for me. She wanted revenge. I bet she once dated the Ed Hardy douchebag I offed. How do I know? Oh, it might've been the words, "The Hy-Iu-Happiness is so toxic that we're only allowed to serve two per person a night," which she uttered upon drink delivery.
Drink Three: Bud Light Lime (my choice) - Yeah, uh, so I don't remember much after this. I'm assuming that, given my extensive domestic beer history, I ordered something resembling a Bud Light. I went ahead and added the "lime" part at the end to hopefully class it up a little. The weird part is I can't wait to go back and see Gabby. She was incredible, and I somehow love the ladies who torture me with alcohol.
Hy-lu-Hee-Hee
4309 Burnham Dr., Gig Harbor
253.851.7885
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